My Raw Being Project *updated 2 Feb, 2012

I feel that I must do this.

Otherwise I might be lost forever.

This personal project is in fact very simple.

Or to simplify matters in my life.

I will write down my emotions and thoughts down

Good Bad Right Wrong, I'd express.

The end goal for me is

To know and to love and to be content with my own life.

Sometimes I feel that my mind runs so fast

Sometimes I feel that my heart changes so rapidly

Sometimes my heart has to chase my mind

Sometimes vice versa

Rarely in sync.  Rarely in harmony.

I must be honest with my emotions, also my thoughts.

If I can't even be honest with these feelings and thoughts that I own,

How can I really honor my own being?

How can I truly honor others if I feel so lack of?

Many people would think that I'm blunt and honest to myself already.

Thank you, but I know I am not.

I must dig deeper with my own being.

If an emotion arise, I'll just express it.  I believe it'll leave once I let myself express it.

There may be anger, disappointment, fear, lost, joy, content, loneliness, love, furious, confused, irritation, frustration...

Whatever they are, whether it's (good) or (bad) in the eyes of our society or the eyes of your morality.

I must express.

I'm not here to seek righteousness or holiness.

I am only here to voice out my own being.

Or my thoughts,  they may contradict with my other thoughts, there may be some sort of dilemmas, the fact is, I know there must be, and I first have to accept (not agree) them  before denying them.

I might have been denying them for too long.

I will not resist anymore.

I will allow my emotions and thoughts flow through me.

In this "Raw Being Project", my rawness might offend someone,  please let me apologize in advance.

If my rawness'd offend you in any ways, or make you scared to talk to me, it might be a good chance to ask yourself why.  If in the project I'll lose some friends, I sincerely hope you'll come back.  I never meant to hurt anyone.  I'm just trying desperately to explore myself.

For me, I'm doing this, I have to let them out, let them all out.  I have to search within me, deep within me.

By doing this,

I'll keep updating this entry, if there's a thought, emotion arise, I'll write them down in order.  There will be a new blog to this, http://myrawbeingproject.blogspot.com

Newer entry will be below this entry.

Or it might be just encounter on the phone or talking in person.  

Please bless me if you are willing, because I believe this might be my only way to be free and content.

Thank you all.

Adrian Tsing 程理高

2 Feb, 2012

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2 Feb, 2012. Thurs. I feel less stressful after writing this entry.